Cultivating Humility on the Road to Food Addiction Recovery

Categories: AACC BLOG

We all know the adage: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Growing up, we learned to work hard in school to get good grades. If we struggled to get an A, we studied harder. Then, we learned to work hard in our jobs to get a promotion. We put in the extra hours and go the extra mile to be recognized.

We’re often told that if we aren’t succeeding, we’re not working hard enough. For people who struggle with food addiction or overeating, it can be challenging to adjust this type of thinking.

So often, people come into my office in full swing on the dieting rollercoaster. They want to be fit and healthy, but when a craving comes crashing in, they go on a binge that causes them to regain all the weight they lost on their latest diet. What’s more, it wreaks such havoc on their emotional lives that they often end up in varying states of anxiety and depression, reinforcing habits of emotional eating and isolation.

They lose control and feel shame and guilt; they feel bad about feeling bad, and the cycle of crazy keeps going.

Of course, thinking we can do things in our own strength makes sense. So many of our clients are competent, successful adults, and the prevailing cultural narrative discourages us from admitting when we feel defeated or like we’re failing. But trying to keep up a facade of being able to do everything by ourselves only wears us down more. It’s exhausting to act like you have it all together.

Here’s the truth: Freedom exists on the other side of asking for help.

Change doesn’t happen in isolation. Ultimately, if you have an unmanageable problem, you need others to help you manage it. Sometimes, that’s us as their therapist; sometimes, it’s a support group or a trusted friend who has been through the same thing. I believe in having as much support as possible, but wherever someone is willing to start is the best place to do so.

Over the years, some people have asked me: Why do so many people go years and years suffering in these types of cycles without asking for help? The answer can be difficult for some people to hear: It requires a lot of humility to ask for help.

It’s so, so hard to ask for help. It is incredibly humbling to admit what feels like defeat, especially to those clients who have been struggling with disordered eating and addiction for decades, in some cases. Adjusting from isolation can be intense—even frightening for some. It’s a whole new way of living, which can make a person realize how much their relationship to food has affected their life.

Some people would rather suffer in silence than open up and ask not to be alone in their battle. Over the years, I have had many clients come into my office asking for a “quick fix”- a diet they could follow in five easy steps at home. But that’s not the reality of the work. A 24/7 problem takes time to fix.

It can (and often does) take years to rewrite addictive patterns and habits and replace them with healthy behaviors, even when you do enlist the help of a therapist, support group, or even a trusted friend. Depending on the severity of your client’s struggle and the time they have spent trying to manage it, the road to recovery can be very long.

I love to remind my clients of what God promises us in His word: He will never leave us or forsake us; He is an ever-present help in times of trouble. Even when we felt alone and at our worst, He was with us and never gave up on us. And if we lean on Him, His word, and His people, He will be with us every step on the path to recovery.

We must humble ourselves enough to seek God’s help and the help of others, stay brave, and keep the course. Freedom is on the other side, and it’s so worth it.

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Rhona Epstein, Psy.D., C.A.C., is a licensed psychologist, addictions counselor, and marriage and family therapist in the Philadelphia area and the author of multiple books, including Food Triggers and Satisfied. For more than thirty years, she’s led seminars, conferences, and therapeutic workshops to help people overcome food addiction and its underlying issues. Dr. Rhona received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Chestnut Hill College and her master’s degree in counseling psychology from Temple University. Fueled by her own experience and recovery from food addiction, she is passionate about addressing the needs of the whole person (mind, body, and spirit). Dr. Rhona lives in the Philadelphia, PA, area.