Happy Holidays? Handling Conflict This Holiday Season

Categories: AACC BLOG

by Dan Seaborn

We’re finally in the middle of the holiday season. Many of us, myself included, look forward to this time of year with great anticipation. That’s because I–and probably you–love holidays centered around faith and family.

The time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s is always the busiest season for counseling and coaching appointments at Winning at Home. I think that’s due to a mix of factors:

Gloomy weather
Overloaded schedules
Overspending
Grieving loved ones who’ve passed
Spending too much time with family

That last one is surprising, especially coming from me: a proponent of marriage and family. While we love gathering with family for the holidays and sharing times of celebration, one part of family get-togethers that nobody looks forward to is conflict. The people closest to us—the ones with the most shared history—seem to know exactly how to get under our skin.

Conflict can still happen even if everybody gathers with the best intentions. Somebody might bring up a painful childhood memory, politics, or tightly held beliefs that differ from yours. There might even be such tension and disagreement around those things that not some of your family is staying home this year instead of gathering.

No matter what familial obstacles you may face this season, do your best to focus on what you have in common rather than what you disagree over. Remember that you love your family; they’ve been there for you through so much, and they know you better than almost anybody else does. Keeping these things in mind can help you take ownership of your interactions with others, despite points of conflict that arise.

If you know that there will be a specific person who you are likely to clash with, it might be helpful to get in touch with them ahead of time to clear the air and let them know that you want to get along—even if you’ve had a conflict-riddled history.

Unfortunately, Christmas doesn’t have a magic wand to erase old wounds or stop destructive patterns. It would be wonderful if everyone hit ‘pause’ on conflicts and focus entirely on togetherness—but that’s not how life works. And that’s okay.

Relationships can be beautiful or ugly because of their history. As you reflect on the joys, struggles, and everything in between this holiday season, I hope you’ll forgive those who have wronged you, seek forgiveness from those you have wronged, and put your pride aside and seek familial closeness.

There’s no guarantee it will be easy, but by patiently and lovingly navigating the highs and lows of this season to bring your family closer, you can discover what it truly means to, “Win at Home.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Dan Seaborn is the founder of Winning At Home, Inc., an organization with counselors and coaches that serve over 1,500 client hours per month. Winning at Home also produces media resources and hosts special events aimed at helping marriages and families succeed. Dan has authored 15 books about marriage and family, and his advice has been broadcast to over 350 radio stations across the United States. As a columnist, he has written hundreds of articles about marriage and family and is frequently asked to speak on the topic. Dan holds a master’s degree in Christian Ministries from Indiana Wesleyan University. His best experience, however, has probably come from his own life: being husband to his wife, Jane, for more than 40 years, Dad to his four children, and Grandpa to eight grandchildren.