Understanding the Basics of Relationships

Categories: AACC BLOG

by Dan Seaborn

There are a shocking number of different types of relationships when you stop and think about it: family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, classmates, parents of your kids’ friends, former spouses, business partners, and customers. And that’s not even an exhaustive list!

Obviously, relationships differ and require varying levels of openness and vulnerability, but there are a few ingredients that are key to any relationship you’re in.

I’ll unpack those key points and explain why we need to love, forgive, show grace, be teachable, and discuss issues.

1. Love. While this word usually describes the most intimate relationships, we should love everybody. Not to be in love with everybody, but to root for everybody that you’re in a relationship with. When we allow resentment or jealousy to pit us against others, our relationships suffer.

Don’t let bitterness creep in. Cultivate a loving heart and love others well.

2. Forgive. While forgiveness is often equated with forgetting, forgiving doesn’t mean you should set yourself up to be hurt again.

It’s wise to be attuned to danger, but it’s not wise to let bitterness and anger fester. While some hurts are deeper than others and it can be difficult to let go of serious breaches of trust, you can let go of bitterness and wisely set boundaries at the same time.

Anyone experiencing trauma or abuse should seek help from a Bible-believing counselor. It may take some time, but remember what you’re working toward.

3. Show grace. It’s easy to assume the worst about people. At some point, you might have seen a single action and invented an untrue story about the person behind it. Instead of doing that, give others the benefit of the doubt.

Life is hard and complex, and no one is perfect. Show some grace.

4. Be teachable. It can be hard to hear another perspective, especially when it highlights your weaknesses and blind spots. Ignoring a flaw might feel easier than addressing it.

However, being open to learning is crucial for building healthy relationships. Though being teachable takes humility, humility is a good thing. In fact, it takes humility to. . .

5. Be willing to talk about issues in the relationship. This may seem obvious, but relationships don’t thrive when people suppress needs. It can be scary to verbalize what we want because we aren’t guaranteed to get it—but if you never ask, you might not receive it.

If you’re wondering how you’re going to implement all of these things, implement one at a time. When our focus and attention are spread all over the place, it’s hard to make much improvement.

You will make progress by taking a slow, methodical approach. As much work as it is to practice these things, they’re worth it because they can help your relationships flourish.

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Dan Seaborn is the founder of Winning At Home, Inc., an organization with counselors and coaches that serve over 1,500 client hours per month. Winning at Home also produces media resources and hosts special events aimed at helping marriages and families succeed. Dan has authored 15 books about marriage and family, and his advice has been broadcast to over 350 radio stations across the United States. As a columnist, he has written hundreds of articles about marriage and family and is frequently asked to speak on the topic. Dan holds a master’s degree in Christian Ministries from Indiana Wesleyan University. His best experience, however, has probably come from his own life: being husband to his wife, Jane, for more than 40 years, Dad to his four children, and Grandpa to eight grandchildren.