Why God Hates Divorce (and the Purpose of Marriage)

Categories: AACC BLOG

by Mitzi Brown, M.A., LMHC, LPC

It is a fact: God does hate divorce (Malachi 2:16, English Standard Version, 2001).

Women who have been in unfaithful or abusive marriages with unrepentant men have said this to me. Many believe that God wants them to remain in unsafe relationships because God hates divorce—and this makes my heart hurt.

While no two marriage counseling cases are identical, God is always the same. God’s hatred of divorce does not change either, but neither does the fact that He is appalled by those who leverage power to hurt the vulnerable.

Divorce is a tricky subject, so let’s start with a question: Why does God hate divorce? What is it about divorce that elicits such a strong reaction from God?

God Wants to Protect the People He Loves

One of God’s reasons for hating divorce is to protect women, specifically those who might face the hardship and heartbreak of being discarded.

In Malachi 2, God spoke to men who had become selfish and unfaithful. These Jewish men were divorcing their wives casually—simply because their desires changed or they were more interested in Gentile women (Malachi 2:11, English Standard Version, 2001). Men even ended their marriages for matters as small as a burnt dinner (Davey, 2024).

Culturally, divorced women might have experienced extreme hardship until they remarried (Turner, n.d.). Today, women often experience the brunt of the responsibilities for children and finances when they become divorced.

Given this context—and given that husbands are commanded to provide for their wives (1 Timothy 5:18, English Standard Version, 2001)—we can infer that God’s hatred of divorce partially stems from his desire for women to be provided for and protected. Divorce makes women more vulnerable and often leads to them adopting the responsibilities their husbands once fulfilled—responsibilities women were never designed to take on alone.

We are Wired for Intimate Relationships

Another reason God hates divorce is because it defies God’s design for humans to enjoy intimate, close relationships.

When God created man, He said, “Let us make man in our image” (Genesis 1:26, English Standard Version, 2001). The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, present together at creation and still present together today, exist in perfect harmony. God is not just about relationships—He is relationship.

God designed us for intimate relationships. When God said it was not good for man to be alone, He created a companion for Adam who could fulfill his need for intimacy in a way none of the creatures could (Genesis 2:18-23, English Standard Version, 2001). Marriage is the original design for us to fulfill mutually submissive companionship (Ephesians 5:20, English Standard Version, 2001).

Marriage is Sanctifying

God is all about our sanctification, so it should not be surprising that He uses marriage for that purpose. Marriage refines our difficult personalities, habits, and selfishness as we become more like Christ.

In fact, your spouse—with all their annoying habits and character flaws—is likely the perfect person for God to use in your sanctification (Keller & Keller, 2016).

Many marriages I counsel with are marked by a husband or wife being pridefully blind to their own shortcomings. In some cases, the couple insensitively points fingers at one another in a futile attempt to justify their own individual failures.

Couples who put Christ first, humble themselves, and work through their differences derive sanctification. When couples refuse to work through their differences, opportunities for sanctification are missed.

Divorce Hurts Everyone Involved

Divorce is painful for both parties. Lives are painfully ripped apart as feelings of rejection, abandonment, and failure are compounded by court proceedings. However, that is not the worst of it—children are often hurt in divorce.

In many cases, children begin to resent one or both parents during a divorce, or they blame themselves for their parents’ separation. “If I had just been good enough,” children often think, “Mom or Dad would not have left.” I have heard this heartbreaking sentiment far too frequently.

On the other hand, there are instances where children may be hurt far more by a volatile marriage that does not improve. These things should be weighed and considered with the help of sound, godly counsel.

There is such a tender balance and great tension between when to stay and when to consider divorce. The Bible is clear in teaching that neither marriage nor divorce should be undertaken casually.

God is a loving father to His children—and sometimes, that love means chiseling off the rough edges (Hebrews 12:6, English Standard Version, 2001) and growing in grace (2 Peter 3:18, English Standard Version, 2001). Other times, it means seeking safety and shelter from horrific treatment that causes harm.

God Knows What it Feels Like to be Rejected

God knows what it is like to be rejected by an unfaithful spouse. Israel and Judah cheated on Him.

In Jeremiah 3:8 (New Living Translation, 2015), God speaks through the prophet Jeremiah: “She (Judah) saw that I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery. But that treacherous Judah had no fear, and now she, too, has left me and given herself to prostitution.”

God divorced Israel because of her persistent idolatry and disobedience, but not without warning. He called Israel back to Himself and patiently waited, only to be stonewalled and ignored. It was only then—after His chosen people continued to worship foreign gods—that He divorced Israel.

When spouses are tone-deaf and stone-hearted about the other’s needs and desires, the same thing can happen to marriages.

After pronouncing judgment on Israel for listening to false prophets in Jeremiah 14:13-16, God expressed His feelings about Israel’s continued adultery in verses 17-18a (New Living Translation, 2015): “Now Jeremiah, say this to them: Night and day my eyes overflow with tears. I cannot stop weeping, for my virgin daughter – my precious people – has been struck down and lies mortally wounded. If I go out into the fields, I see the bodies of people slaughtered by the enemy. If I walk the streets, I see people who have died of starvation.”

These were the consequences of Israel’s unrepentant idolatry. There are literal and figurative consequences of broken marriages as well.

For those who experience divorce, these feelings of anger and despair resonate. God gets you.

In Conclusion

God’s design for marriage is a life-long covenant relationship. We are created in the image of God with a need for intimate connectedness, and marriage is how God intends for that need to be fulfilled.

God uses marriage to sanctify us.

God allows for divorce but strongly discourages it for several reasons, one of which is to protect vulnerable people that He dearly loves.

Scripture is clear: divorce is not to be entertained lightly. And God personally knows how much divorce hurts.

Couples often lack the objectivity needed to solve difficulties without help. If discussions between husband and wife do not produce healthy communication, unity, and acceptable compromise, a Christian counselor can help.

Because God is loving and a champion of the oppressed, there are times when safety for the spouse and/or children can be grounds for separation or divorce. If there is sexual, emotional, physical, or spiritual abuse, seek professional Bible-based counseling. While spouses and children are often harmed in divorce, more harm can be done by staying in a marriage where a spouse or children endure abuse.

And lastly, God is able to restore the most broken of marriages. He cares for those who love Him.

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Mitzi Brown is a licensed therapist in Florida and Georgia. She graduated from Liberty University with her master’s degree in professional counseling in 2018 and has been in private practice since then. Mitzi’s website is www.thewelltherapy.com.

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References

Davey, S. (2024, June 4). Biblical reasons for divorce. Wisdom Online. https://www.wisdomonline.org/blog/biblical-reasons-for-divorce

English Standard Version Bible. (2001). Crossway.

Holy Bible, New Living Translation. (2015). Tyndale House Foundation.

Keller, T., & Keller, K. (2016). The meaning of marriage: Facing the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of God. Penguin Random House.

Turner, J. (n.d.). https://eztorah.com/matthew-19/