With my hands shaking, jaw locked, and stomach in knots, I entered the church looking for the closest exit. After a long hiatus from the church world, I was only there to support my husband, a care pastor at another church. The impact of the spiritual abuse I endured was swirling emotions of grief, anger, bitterness, loneliness, and confusion. I desperately wanted to keep those emotions at bay with every ounce of energy I had. The ties that once bound me to God, others, and even myself appeared severed. Isolation became a way of living; no, it became my way of surviving.

Hidden Realities of Spiritual Abuse

A colleague of mine, Clemson University professor, Craig Cashwell, poignantly stated, “If something is psychologically damaging, it cannot be theologically sound.” Spiritual abuse embodies this truth. Spirituality is an opportunity for our souls to connect with the sacred. It is our personal relationship with Christ that allows us to go before the throne and sit with the Father (Hebrews 4:16). However, when spiritual abuse occurs, it is an abuse of the sacred. The wounding of spiritual abuse leaves individuals’ souls shattered and traumatized, impeding the ability to connect with others, oneself, and God.

Additionally, those who have endured spiritual abuse may exhibit post-traumatic symptoms. These symptoms can encompass pervasive thoughts, emotional outbursts, increased alertness, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, dissociation, restricted emotions, and insomnia (Downie, 2022; Panchuk, 2020). When these symptoms arise, it is almost impossible for someone to experience a connection. Moreover, this type of trauma encompasses several losses: a loss of identity for the spiritual self, loss of one’s ability to create meaning, and a troubled or fractured relationship with God, along with a compromised trust in religious institutions and a reduced capacity for spiritually thriving. Subsequently, survivors of spiritual abuse often experience toxic guilt and fear, self-doubt, and lack of autonomy, further alienating them from the community and God (Prusak & Schab, 2022).

Scripture testifies to connection repeatedly: “… It is not good for the man to be alone…” (Genesis 2:18, NIV), “Bear one another’s burdens…” (Galatians 6:2, NKJV), “… not giving up meeting together…” (Hebrews 10:25, NIV). However, for those who have been spiritually abused, connection has become a threat. They may avoid religious environments and people because they can no longer distinguish God’s voice and intention from the ones who have hurt them. Likewise, people who have experienced spiritual abuse may find that religious activities can often be intolerable and distressing. Therefore, they remain disconnected from anything that may remotely remind them of the abuse they endured.

The trauma endured from spiritual abuse may produce spiritual uncertainty for survivors, leading to deep feelings of grief, humiliation, and personal doubt.

Due to the abuse suffered, individuals’ perceptions of clergy or religious leadership, views toward the Church, and feelings of betrayal become the lens through which they regard community and potentially God. These hidden realities may leave God’s children feeling powerless, spiritually diminished, and isolated.

Isolation Outcomes

Isolation from Others
We cannot be in survival mode and thrive in connection at the same time. When the brain feels threatened, the back of the brain is activated, and self-preservation moves into action. Additionally, when the back of the brain is activated, the front of the brain, where cognitive functions and social behavior reside, goes offline. Therefore, the ability to connect becomes obsolete when individuals are triggered, especially in religious contexts.

While religious environments are often viewed as a place of safety, spiritual abuse can prove this null and void. The religious and spiritual identity of people frequently serves as a foundation for developing community. However, with instances of spiritual abuse, the same community sought for safety can, ironically, become a source of suffering. This leaves a wake of confusion and emotions for those enduring spiritual abuse, resulting in further isolation from others and, potentially, God.

Isolation from God
Disconnection, whether perceived or real, is a debilitating aspect of spiritual abuse (Ellis et al., 2023). The trauma endured from spiritual abuse may produce spiritual uncertainty for survivors, leading to deep feelings of grief, humiliation, and personal doubt. This may lead then to a chasm between individuals and their faith, igniting feelings of anger toward God and contributing to a gradual decline in faith.

In my research on spiritual bypass from one person toward another, its impact, and how it may share characteristics of spiritual abuse, no participants claimed to be angry with God. However, of the 14 participants, most stated that their faith was shaken to the core. The faith and relationship with Christ they once had crumbled. Most chose to rebuild their faith; however, two decided to no longer participate in religious activities but remained in their faith, while one walked away from religion and faith.

Because God may be used as a form of fear rather than as a Father, and His overall character used to control people, their finances, loyalty, and more, many individuals may believe God is only for them “if.” This “if” denies people the unconditional love, hope, mercy, and grace God so willingly desires His children to know (Romans 8:38-39). Furthermore, it perpetuates the cycle of isolation from others, God, and oneself.

Isolation from Self
One of the most difficult components of spiritual abuse to overcome is the diminished capacity to trust oneself. Often, spiritual abuse creates such self-doubt and dependence on another person that individuals cannot separate themselves from the abuser. The perpetrator may call for extreme loyalty and obedience and make numerous demands of their victims, including their bodies. To endure this, many survivors disconnect from themselves to overcome the traumas experienced by such demands.

Additionally, spiritual abuse can lead to individuals’ confusion of beliefs, emotions, and fear of God (not a reverent, but a terror), as well as produce shame and guilt (Gilbert-Reed, 2024). Survivors’ capacity to trust their decisions, actions, or thoughts is minimized. To endure this intensity, they remain disconnected and isolated from their core self through dissociation, hypervigilance, or withdrawal.

The Role of Healers

As clinicians, clergy, and coaches, we must acknowledge that spiritual abuse exists. It does not only happen in fringe cults or extreme denominations. It can occur in mainstream churches, small groups, leadership meetings, counseling offices, and wherever religious frameworks exist.

To ensure we provide the best care for those who have experienced the travesty of spiritual abuse, we have a sacred responsibility to create safe spaces for the spiritually wounded. This means:

• Understanding spiritual trauma. Familiarize yourself with how spiritual trauma impacts people and how it manifests.
• Disentangling God from abusers. Help survivors differentiate between the character of God and the actions of those who misrepresented Him.
• Welcoming without pressure. Do not rush people back into church attendance or spiritual practices. They need validation for their pain. Healing takes time; meet individuals where they are.

Final Thoughts

I connected with God again, not in a sermon but in the stillness of my own grief. I found Him in Scripture, which spoke of the God who is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). In seeking help, I found Him in those who bore witness to my pain. Through this, I found a connection not only with Christ, but also with others and myself.

As clinicians, clergy, and coaches, understanding the hidden realities of spiritual abuse offers us an opportunity to know more about the pain of those harmed in Jesus’ name. Armed with this knowledge, may we be image bearers of the God who calls the weary to find rest, the dead (in faith) to be raised, and the lonely to experience belonging. ?

References

Downie, A. (2022). Christian shame and religious trauma. Religions (Basel, Switzerland), 13(10), 925. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel13100925.

Ellis, H.M., Hook, J.N., Freund, C., Kranendonk, J., Zuniga, S., Davis, D.E., & Van Tongeren, D.R. (2025). Religious/spiritual abuse and psychological and spiritual functioning. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 12(1), 136-145. https://doi.org/10.1037/scp0000346.

Gilbert-Reed, P. (2024). Wounding words: A phenomenological study of how individuals experience receiving spiritual bypass. Dissertation. Liberty University.

Panchuk, M. (2020). Distorting concepts, obscured experiences: Hermeneutical injustice in religious trauma and spiritual violence. Hypatia, 35(4), 607-625. https://doi.org/10.1017/hyp.2020.32.

Prusak, J., & Schab, A. (2022). Spiritual trauma as a manifestation of religious and spiritual struggles in female victims of sexual abuse in adolescence or young adulthood in the Catholic Church in Poland. Archive for the Psychology of Religion, 44(1), 40-65. https://doi.org/10.1177/00846724211060391.

About the Authors