shrink notes

Mental suffering tempts us to isolate ourselves from sources of support out of stigma and fear of rejection. We are tempted to put on masks of wellness that distract from the struggle that is real.

We are taught in medical school that there is a difference between disease and suffering. Disease is the physiological abnormality to which we attach diagnostic labels. Suffering encompasses how the disease affects the lives of the patient and their family physically, spiritually, and psychologically.

Suffering from mental illness can be incredibly impactful as we struggle to understand the meaning and purpose of emotional trauma. Mental suffering tempts us to isolate ourselves from sources of support out of stigma and fear of rejection. We are tempted to put on masks of wellness that distract from the struggle that is real. Only a few will often see the true extent of the masked suffering. The journey of the biblical character Job closely resembles the process of suffering in my patients. The following are some lessons for managing suffering learned from the life of Job.

1. Accept that suffering is an unavoidable part of life. It is a “we,” not “they,” experience. Job was not a special or unique person. He was just a guy who loved God and his family and had the respect of his community—like many of us. Yet, he suffered immense emotional anguish—like the 23% of American adults who have a mental illness.¹ Job could be any of us, for we all go through varying degrees of suffering (Job 5:6-7; John 16:33; Philippians 3:10). However, suffering can tempt us to isolate in silence when strength is found in sharing our stories with others—as Job’s story has been shared with us.

2. Know what you can know. In clinical situations, physicians often have more questions than answers. However, focusing on the unknown can keep us from knowing everything we can know. Medicine is an exercise in making good decisions to help patients without all the data—until we can gather more data. Suffering is the same process. Do not let what we do not understand distract us from what we can learn about our situations. Spend time in prayer and meditation on the Word. Talk to a trusted counselor. Go to a support group. Follow the doctor’s advice. Solicit prayer from trusted friends. Find out as much as possible while trusting God with the unanswered questions. Job eventually got better despite never getting an answer as to why he was suffering.

3. Choose your close friends carefully. Most people have three to five close, supportive relationships that can be crucial during suffering. People who are experiencing mental trauma often have fewer and poorer quality relationships.² Job had relationships, like his wife, that were toxic (Job 2:9). He had friends who cared deeply about him but tried to reduce his suffering to simplistic answers that made him feel worse (Job 16:1-2). Elihu was an honest friend who did not claim to know the answers but pointed Job in the right direction—to God (Job 32-37).

4. Learn to lament well. The expression of strong emotions about suffering can be healing. God endorses lamenting by having a whole book, Lamentations, as an example. Job spent much time lamenting (chapters 4-31) and was not criticized by God for doing so. Talking about our pain can be therapeutic (James 5:16), along with prayer, journaling, musical expression, or art. God challenged Job to balance his lamenting with gratitude and reflective awe at who God was and what God was doing in his life (chapters 38-39). As we lament, remember what we have (Him) and do not focus on what we do not have or have lost.

5. Learn to wait well. Getting well from any illness takes time. Job waited alone and with others—just as we may wait alone or with a therapist, pastor, or friend. When waiting, we can derive hope from focusing on how God has sustained us through challenging times in the past (Psalm 27:13-14). We can meditate and journal on what we can learn from these past experiences that will encourage and guide us as we wait. Suffering was a season in Job’s life, as he had a life before and after his anguish. He had good days and difficult days as he waited. However, Job’s story declares that God is consistently involved and in control—even as we suffer. He knows us (Job 1:8; Psalm 139:1-10) and never leaves us, especially when our hearts are broken (Psalm 34:18). Looking for ways that God is currently demonstrating His care for us is an excellent activity while waiting.

6. Look at God. Our granddaughter was born at the height of COVID-19 social restrictions and was unable to spend much time with my wife and me. When she was two, we began to babysit her. In the beginning, she was terrified and screamed in horror when she was left with us. I learned to hold her and say, “Look at Papi. You are going to be all right.” At the height of Job’s lament, God said to him, “Look at me” in a similar fashion (chapters 38-41). Reflecting on God changed Job’s perspective about his suffering, even though his suffering continued (Job 42:1-5; Habakkuk 3:17-19). Reflect on God’s character and seek Him while suffering.

7. Ask the right questions. The worst question is, “Why?” Often, the answer does not satisfy or decrease the pain. Better questions are “What, Who, How, and When.” What can I learn? Who do I need to treat differently? How will God help me through this? When has God helped me in similar situations?

8. Make the next right decision. Suffering may tempt us to take out our pain on others (Romans 12:17). Good suffering involves making decisions that reflect spiritual growth (Galatians 5:22-23) in our behavior toward others, especially while suffering. Job prayed for others—even while he was still suffering—leading to an end to this season of suffering in his life (Job 42:10-17).

I trust these lessons from Job’s life will encourage you as you face and manage life’s suffering. ?

Endnotes

1. 2022 NSDUH Annual National Report. SAMHSA.gov. (2023, November 13). https://www.samhsa.gov/data/ report/2022-nsduh-annual-national-report. ?

2. Abrams, Z. (2023, June 1). The science of friendship. Monitor on Psychology, 54(4), 42. https://www.apa.org/ monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship. ?

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