Conviction vs. Guilt
The other day, a client came in expressing sincere concerns and feeling bothered by boundaries she had set with a loved one. “I feel so guilty,” she said. For months we had worked on establishing healthy boundaries and when she finally started putting them in place as a loving gesture, she had feelings of guilt. This is a frequent occurrence reported in my counseling office.
Consistently in therapy, clients state feelings of guilt that often negatively influence their behaviors. Some neglect good boundaries out of guilt, others try to solve problems on their own without seeking the Lord’s guidance, while others are simply acting out of impatience due to their guilt leading to negative actions.
As I’ve prayed and asked God to help me counsel wisely, the Holy Spirit taught me to study what Scripture says about the difference between guilt and conviction. In the Bible, the word for guilt is often used as condemnation, so I began to search in hopes of helping clients learn and discern between the two feelings.
Conviction
Conviction is a feeling that comes from the Holy Spirit. It is designed to lead one to confession, repentance, and change. It provides forgiveness and freedom. I encourage clients to ask themselves these questions:
- Am I feeling convicted by the Lord to do something, or should I take action?
- Am I being convicted to stop a certain behavior?
These questions can provide clarity if someone is struggling with wondering if the feeling is conviction vs. guilt.
For my client mentioned earlier, conviction came through setting healthy boundaries. She needed to say “no, I’m not allowing you to treat me this way anymore.” She needed to change her behavior to find freedom from an abusive situation.
Guilt
On the other hand, guilt is a different feeling, and is used in varying ways. God allows this feeling in unbelievers when they sin, to bring about conviction. However, if people do not repent, the feelings of guilt will lead to shame, more sin, regret, and often self-hatred or bondage. The enemies of God love to use this against humans. They do so by reminding humans of their wrongdoing or by influencing them to do terrible things as a result of their guilt.
I’ve had clients stay in abusive relationships for too long due to feelings of guilt. “I can’t leave him alone. He has no one else.” Do you hear how the lies the enemy tells are manifested in these thoughts and statements?
There are many other stories, scenarios, and circumstances where this can play out with clients, friends, or loved ones. My prayer is that you will seek to help guide clients wisely, learning how to discern the difference between the two feelings.
Godly Grief vs. Worldly Grief
Finally, these feelings may be expressed as grief. It is not easy to do the right thing (conviction or godly grief) even if convicted by the Holy Spirit to do so, but it is worth it. This grief leads to repentance and no regrets.
Whereas guilt, or ungodly grief, Scripture says leads to death.
“For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief leads to death.” — 2 Corinthians 7:10
As you contemplate these things, consider meditating on Hebrews 10:22.
“Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” — Hebrews 10:22
With love and conviction,
Dr. Natalie Atwell